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Helen Keller Jokes

April 12, 2010

The fun bus has hit the road! This my second post comes from my second destination: Washington D.C.

My last week in NYC can be pretty much summed up in these words: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qYx7YG0RsFY&feature=fvst. Now you see what Asher Roth is attending in this video is what is known in the US as a “Kegger”. I went to my first initiatory kegger on friday night with my NYU Crew: Vadim, Steve, Thomas & Kevin. The orders of the day were: beer pong, a not-quite-fight with the Mario Brothers, & fleeing from an ugly Tisch student who kept haranguing me with the hook-line: “Do I detect an accent?”. Some time after the kegger I awoke in the middle of a heated bar-debate on the topic of “How do you solve a problem like the Pedophile?” with the modern American equivalent of the chuckle brothers. I was no match for the duos good cop/bad cop approach to conversation as whenever I argued with their belief in universal chemical castration I had Meathead no.1 scream “I’m going to smash your face in…I’ve got a kid” as Meathead no.2 held him back saying “Come on dude it’s a debate”. My inflammatory opinion that you had to look at the situation from a Pedophiles perspective did not really help to mollify them either.

Other highlights from my week in NYC include: the off-off-broadway production of Psycho Beach Party starring the celebrated off-off-broadway star John Early; walking Brooklyn Bridge; Central Park & the Metropolitan Museum of Art; Helen Keller Jokes; the Dollar Slice; Holly Gray & the Speakeasy which serves Beer in Coffee Mugs, Bottles in Paper Bags, & Spirits in Teacups; Dumbo; Rooftop Brewskies in the Lower East Side; Dive Bars, Blues, & Hipsters.

Spent my first evening in Washington D.C. yesterday where I had Bill Cosby’s favorite food, The Chilli Half-Smoke, at Ben’s Chilli Bowl. Today I’m off to the White House to see if I can glimpse of Gordon Brown who is rumored to be in town this week with all the other world leaders. Will update this blog again when I get back on the trail to Baltimore.

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Treading on Rainbows

April 7, 2010

“Here I am…am I here? You know it…it you know. This is Mister Senor Love Daddy doing the nasty to your ears, your ears to the nasty. Doing the ying and the yang, the hip and the hop, the stupid fresh thang, the flippity-flop…I have today’s forecast for you…hhhhhot!” (Samuel L Jackson in ‘Do the right thing’) 

This is my first day in New York and like the opening to Spike Lee’s ‘Do the right thing’ it is hot hot hot (90°F/32°C). I’m presently staying in Manhattan with some NYU Students and have spent the day schlepping myself up and down 6th Avenue (The Avenue of the Americas) goggling at the Metropolis. My overwhelming first impression was that NYC is much bigger than I am. Unlike London where people spend most of the time staring at their shuffling feet to avoid human eye-contact, New Yorker’s have the advantage that they can stare constantly upwards at their vast skyscrapers to similarly avoid interaction. The Midtown monuments I saw today include: The Empire State Building, Chrysler Building, Rockefeller Center, Grand Central Station, New York Public Library etc…

My highlight of the day was when I went to purchase a phone for my trip. The t-mobile salesperson looked like Sergeant Bad Attitude Baracas but acted like Julian Clary. He had Tiffany blue contact lenses and was kind enough to say that I am “All kinds of Hugh Grant fantastic”. Engaging in conversation I asked what was good to see around this area and he proceeded to regale me with a list of all the best ‘boy-bars’ in Manhattan. While what I really wanted was tips on good tourist spots, he had assumed instead that I was a new young cub on the prowl. I stopped him and put the record straight whereupon he provided me with an excellent opening soundbite for my NYC experience: “Well in that case what are you doing around here baby? You’ll be treading on rainbows wherever you go in this city.” I hope the beauty of that street poetry is not lost on people…although he did then go on to tell me in detail the merits of the transsexual male over the actual female…a tale which was less poetic in its make-up.

Anyway this is my first post and you can expect much of the same as I continue on what many have begun to call “The Browniad”. This will not be a day-to-day journal as I should have better things to do…but if anything odd, amusing, or enlightening occurs to me I will be sure to keep the cyber-crowd up-to-date.